On Miscarriages and a Peace that Transcends Understanding

I debated about writing this post or staying away from my blog completely, but in the end I have decided to share what’s been happening during my (so far brief) hiatus. I won’t be hanging around for long, but I want to talk about something that really surprised me. Something sad turned to glad.

As some of you know, I have experienced three (known) miscarriages since 2002. Pretty sure it’s four now.

I started my blogging break by being a few days late for my period. I have been regular for a long time now, with the exception of weird times during weaning and the starting up of exercise. So, with a week of nothing but lateness, I started getting optimistic. I didn’t test, though. I try not to test until I am significantly late so that I won’t know about an early loss.

I tested just before Christmas. I was a few days shy of being two weeks late. I was tired, had sore breasts, little energy, etc. I knew it was going to be positive. After having six pregnancies, you know your body’s signs pretty well.

It was negative. I was disappointed and thoroughly confused. But then it hit me – these circumstances matched my first miscarriage. I was likely having another early loss. My husband was actually on to that fact before I was, and asked me if I thought that was what was going on. I agreed it was probably the case. I was sad because I knew what it could mean, but I held onto a little bit of hope After all, I wasn’t bleeding…yet.

Four more days went by with nothing, so I tested again. I knew that if it was negative, my body was more than likely gearing up for a miscarriage. I just prayed it wouldn’t drag on and on. That it would happen quickly and naturally.

The test was negative. I wasn’t going to be having a baby in August, as I had hoped. No, the next day I started bleeding heavily and passing large clots. Now, whether it was a miscarriage or just a reeeaaally long cycle (which I highly doubt), it was still a loss because my husband and I both desire to have another baby. We have been “trying” for a long time now.

My hope for a baby was gone…but a pretty awesome thing was there in its place.

Peace.

It is incredible! The Holy Spirit has been here with me and He is giving me such an indescribable peace. I have always really grieved hard while experiencing this kind of loss, but this time is different. I have always felt like it was a mistake, that it was wrong (like I shouldn’t be losing the baby), but now I realize – it’s okay. It isn’t that He is different this time, it’s that I have been spending more time with Him and learning His ways, so that when something hard came into my life again, He has been able to really show Himself and the power He can have in daily struggles.

I have known the Lord for many years, but most of that time my mind has not been stayed/kept on Him the way that is necessary to walk fully with Him. Especially when it comes to stress. I have struggled unnecessarily during times of hardship, when all along I could have been experiencing His peace.

What’s really amazing is that He wants to have a relationship with us! He doesn’t want to be our religion. He wants to comfort us and to be there when times are rough. He wants to bless us. It isn’t enough just to believe there is a God – you have to accept His Son as your saviour, and believe what He did for you on the cross. He died for ALL of our sins and He wants a relationship with us because He LOVES us!

And what’s more – He gives us the gift of salvation and a relationship with Him through GRACE (which just means we don’t deserve it and we can’t earn it). It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done – He will forgive you and welcome you into the body of Christ when you believe and accept His gift! :D And what a gift it is! Your life will never be the same.

Please don’t hesitate to email me at atlantamomofthree@yahoo.com if you have yet to meet Him! I would love to share more about Him with you!!

I hope you have a lovely New Year and I look forward to returning to blogging somewhere down the line. :)

43 thoughts on “On Miscarriages and a Peace that Transcends Understanding

  1. Praising God for another little one, even if you won’t be able to meet that Angel baby in this life. God’s peace is the most clear sometimes in the hardest times. Good for you, Valerie, for keeping perspective and resting in God’s always faithful plan. Good to hear from you again!

    • Yes, anyone can have feel peaceful during happy times, can’t they? ;) But OH, to feel God’s peace when I *should* feel unrest is truly amazing and I am so thankful!

  2. I feel for you. Both with the sense of loss and the peace that follows. The worst words to me were, “everything happens for a reason…” and it wasn’t until I was on the other side that I could see- feel- the truth to those words. There is a plan bigger than us. Hang in there Mama! XO

    • There certainly is a bigger plan! :)
      I have never enjoyed that quote about how everythign happens for a reason (and yet nearly everyone uses it!), especially when said to someone in pain. The truth is that God uses all situations for good to those who are His children – and it sure is a wonderful thing to know that that’s true!!
      But to know that others are hurting and lost is what pains me. I desire for others to feel this peace. It is so wonderful. <3

  3. What an amazing post! <3 Thank you for sharing this in public. I understand where you are coming from. We were in the same situation a year ago. I praise God that he has sent you peace and understanding.

  4. Oh Valerie, I am sorry for your loss! But I so admire your strength and faith. I have never handled my miscarriages well, and it is a true blessing to read how God has walked you through. I truly hope to gain and grow in that kind of faith and trust in the new year!

    • Thank you for your kind words, Kate, but I ASSURE you, it’s not my strength or faith that’s doing a thing – it is Him alone. I have been spending time reading a great book called The Wonderful Spirit-Filled Life, as well as watching many sermons of Charles Stanley’s (have you ever heard him preach?) and spending loads of time with the Lord in the last month or so. Wow, can I just say I don’t want to do much else? I am so thankful for all that I’ve been experiencing. God is so good.
      Here is a short sermon on crisis that I have enjoyed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSlM-Sr_pkQ

  5. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God“ – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

    My heart hurts for your loss, but rejoices to see a sister growing in grace. Praying for you.

  6. God is incredible. I recently read a saying about how God puts pins in our hearts. They heart, but we come to find out that the pin holds back the veil so that we can see him more. And I never understood that until the latter part of this year. Praying for you my friend and for your continued peace. :)

  7. What a blessing we have in Jesus! I am so sorry for your loss, but am thankful that you are a believer in Jesus and can truly have the peace that only the Holy Spirit can give. I will be praying for you and your family and hope that your new year is filled with love, laughter, and growing faith. :)

  8. Valerie~I am so sorry to hear this news of loss. I hope not having read a test answer in some way helps though I am doubtful it does. How beautiful for you to have connected to the Holy Spirit though this journey and to be able to accept what has happened with a loving heart. I wish you nothing but the best and hope for another pregnancy in your near future. Much love to you, Kerry

    • Yes, IF I had gotten a positive it would have been harder on me, for sure. I pretty much knew within a short amount of time (after the first negative) that it wasn’t looking good. It did give me time to prepare also, which I am thankful for. But thinking I was pregnant for those few weeks and then losing that reality was sad…but oh to have peace! It was just awesome.
      Thank you, Kerry. I hope to be able to share more baby news soon. XO

  9. I’m so glad God has given you such a sense of peace, and am sorry to hear of your losses. I don’t know if my personal story is of any encouragement to you, but I have something similar to share. Last year, when I was trying to get pregnant, I was filled with anxiety. Many of the women in my family have struggled with infertility, so I was terrified I would never get pregnant, or would need heavy intervention. One day, and I will always remember it clearly, I was just leaving for work… And I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. I felt like God was saying, “Trust Me. My timing is perfect and I have a plan for you.” And… I was pregnant on my next cycle.

    Not to say that caused me to ‘get what I wanted’, but truly trusting Him to get me through a stressful period was incredible. I am praying for you during your hiatus. :)

    • Thank you for sharing that! His timing really is perfect. It’s neat that He gave you that peace as a way of almost pre-telling you of His hand in your fertility! :D
      Thanks also for your prayers. XO I know we’ll have another little one ONLY if and when it’s part of His plan.

  10. Dear Valerie, I’m sorry. I love you in Christ. I’m glad that God is there-well, He is always there–but you know what I mean. Speaking to you. Through you. We miss you. I pray for you and your family. Terri

  11. The early “not even sure it was a pregnancy miscarriage” really surprised me by how much I felt affected, both then and when I became successfully pregnant last year. I’m very happy that you are at peace and everyone is well.

  12. The more I learn about you the more I like you! I went through something VERY similar when I gave up blogging several years ago. So glad to be back in the saddle again. I am so thankful for the peace that faith brings and thankful for people like you who remind us what really matters. -B

  13. Oh, and thanks so much for stopping by Spiritual Sundays and putting my badge up! You’re definitely the first– I feel like a big kid now! =)

    • You’re welcome! I can’t believe I forgot to join in on Sunday. :P We had my sister-in-law here for the whole weekend, but I still should have written it down. Also, I don’t ever post on Sundays so I wasn’t in the bloggy zone. ;)

  14. Pingback: Or Maybe it Wasn’t a Miscarriage… | Atlanta Mom of Three

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